"I. AM. DONE."
It was 8:47 in the morning and I was explaining (honestly, more like yelling) to my kids that I was, in fact, resigning from my role as mom for the day. I was waiting for the voice-over, just like when I watched General Hospital as a teenager, who would announce the new actor taking over. They would start the scene with "Hunky blue eyes will now be playing the role of Jason Morgan". But alas, just like no one can play Jason Morgan like Steve Burton, I am irreplaceable.
We had been awake for approximately 134 minutes and I was already losing my damn mind. One bed covered in pee, three cranky kids, and four thousand hours until hubby got home (not really, but it certainly felt that way).
I know there are worse ways to wake up other than getting peed on by your two year old, but it has to rank towards the top. One minute I was peacefully in that morning bliss where you're not quite awake but not quite up and the day's potential seems endless and promising...and the next minute, I was jumping out of bed as my t-shirt and shorts quickly absorbed the moisture from the puddle of pee that was now taking over half of our bed. Needless to say, the potential for the day was also doused to a heaping pile of laundry and misery.
Okay, okay. This wasn't the first time I've been peed on (I do have 3 kids) and it never hurts to have an excuse to wash the sheets (again, I do have 3 kids). All I needed was a cup of coffee and I would regroup. You know what's coming, don't you? There was NO COFFEE. We have a canister on our counter, next to the Keurig and a sign that reads "Dear Coffee, I love you. That is all". I stared into the canister, feeling just as depleted. Luckily, after rummaging through the pantry I came across one lone vanilla cappuccino K-cup. Thank you, Jesus.
Meanwhile, Bubba & K are arguing about watching My Little Pony for the 538th time or Bo on the Go for the 739th time. I mean at this point, they could probably just act out the scenes. After suggesting they just pick something they both like, they ended up with Rescue Bots. Cool - score one for mom. Nope, it was more like the glimmer of sunshine right before your ship sinks. Because it was a show neither one really wanted to watch, they were easily distracted. Now I was rapidly getting orders for breakfast. "Pancakes", "French toast sticks", "Cereal", "Hotdogs"...hold up. Bubba wanted milk. K wanted water. They were starving. They were whining and circling around me like vultures.
Rylee's hanging on me like a baby sloth. But instead of being sleepy and cuddly, she's reaching out for the refrigerator handle. The canisters on the counter. Mikayla's hair. Now Mikayla's screaming. Rylee's screaming. And not to be outdone, Bubba lets his banchee scream go too.
I'm usually pretty optimistic. But this day was a losing freaking battle. I literally had nothing to offer these three little beings. I felt completely drained, trapped, and guilty. And to be honest, it's the guilt that makes me want to tap out. Mom guilt gnaws at me. It gives me that twisted, uncomfortable feeling in my belly. Mom guilt - you suck and you need to leave. Like right now.
Here's the thing (and I know you can all agree with me on this) - same days are really, really awesome. Most days are just mediocre, and downright tedious. Some days are atrocious and you hang on to that morning cup of coffee like a life preserver just hoping and praying you (and your children) can survive the day. It just is what it is. I can't make every day a magical experience for my kids. I can't possibly be everything all day, every day - happy, cheerful, and playful 24/7. I know my limitations.
So, after announcing that I was done for the day, I drank my luke-warm coffee and settled into my big cozy chair. I took a deep breath. And, I let myself off the hook. I mean, we are our biggest critics. Enough was enough. I was DONE tearing myself apart about not being a perfect mom.
"Alright, who wants breakfast?" All three clamored onto my lap. "Group hug" Mikayla announced and I had three pairs of arms around my neck. Looks like I'm Momma for the rest of the day.